Author Archives: The Marriage Connection

Fear equals Courage 

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Did you know that you need fear? Fear, in its right place and perspective, can be the catalyst to change . You need fear to make you do things that you’d otherwise run away from in life. 

Your fear is what created the desire to overcome the trauma of your past as a mother. Your fear of passing on your generational trauma to your children gives you the courage to see a therapist. Your fear of the lack of safety gives you the courage to move your family to a new neighborhood. The fear of your failing health gives you the courage to get fit. Or, the fear of not having your needs met gives you the courage to go to school and continue your education. 

Most of the time we don’t identify the feeling of fear right away. Because we mask our fear with so many defense mechanisms we misunderstand their origin. The origin is fear! Your fear may show up as anxiety, defensiveness, impulsiveness, arrogance, or perfectionism. The list can go on and on. 

However your fear may show up I encourage you to examine it: 

  • When does it show up? 
  • How does it show up? 
  • Where did it come from?
  • What am I afraid of? 
  • Why does it cause fear? 

These are all questions we can ask ourselves to help push us through our fear and help us overcome. These questions make us identify the source of our fear by giving us the courage to identify our need in that moment.

 Don’t be afraid of your fear. Embrace it and make changes in your life. Stare  your fear in the eye and decide what you need to do today to conquer it. 

You can do it! 

Shame +Guilt = Hiding

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There was time in my life where I walked away from all I knew to be someone I wasn’t. I could’ve turned away and gone back to home base at anytime. But I didn’t! 

I’ve often wondered why? I have questioned and second guessed myself for many years. I’ve played and replayed the scenarios of every choice in my head on repeat. 

Rewind… play…. Rewind…. Play

I’ve been in counseling and therapy enough to have placed blame and forgive myself and others. Forgiveness does remove memories or triggers. Forgiveness doesn’t forget pain or pleasure. Forgiveness is a tool to help navigate the shame and guilt that caused me to hide. 

I hid because my shame of who I’d become created the guilt of the choices I was making which resulted in me hiding from those I loved and those who loved me. 

But after a while, something happened. Even in my shame, guilt, and hiding God gave me revelation. 

He told me I could stop!

 I didn’t have to be the person I was or was trying to be. No! I could stop! I could be something else. I could become who He said I was. 

It wasn’t easy. It took time and patience with myself as I made mistakes and more mistakes trying to find my footing. But I found it. In Christ I learned to love the person He created. I learned to walk in the woman He called me to be. And I learned to forgive myself for hiding all those years ago. 

He set me free! 

I want to encourage you to look around. Recognize those around you who are hiding, filled with guilt and shame. Help them by loving them and telling them they are loved. Be available to them! 

Listen! Listen! Listen! 

No doubt about it they’ve made mistakes. They don’t need your judgement. They need your love. Love them well! Show them Jesus by the way you care for them and help them find their footing as they find their way out of darkness into the freedom of Christ. 

Listen to the Podcast Here

Dream a little dream….

Where do dreams go? It’s such a strange thing to look back over your shoulder and see all the dreams and desires you’ve held close over the years. You know those dreams that take your breath away when you picture them in your mind’s eye. You’ve held it and guarded this dream so long that you can’t speak it- you can barely whisper it.

Did you forget about your dreams? Have you forgotten the feeling of wanting and dreaming for yourself? Perhaps all your dreams are centered around those you love and take care of daily. Or maybe you watch others dream and envy them while secretly desiring to have a dream of your own. Or you cheer them on and feed off of their dreams as if dreaming is a process of osmosis.

I want to encourage you! I want to tell you that you can dream! You should dream. So many of us stop dreaming because we need to encourage, motivate and help others see their dreams come true. Somewhere along the line their dreams become our dreams.

I don’t dream very well. I stopped dreaming for some time. I had to find a safe place to dream again. I found it in a friend that lives and speaks her dreams out loud. She unapologetically says all that she desires from her life. She not only speaks it but she goes after things that she wants and encourages me to do the same. She taught how to dream out loud and walk towards things I’ve only whispered in my heart. It’s been an amazing journey as I’ve started dreaming agin. God placed this person in my life to teach me some key lessons about the dreams and desires He has placed in me.

Here are a few practical things she and I do together:

•Write it down. Spend time putting your thoughts, desires, and motives in writing. Set dates for completing tasks, goals, and meeting requirements to step into your dream.

• Create a vision board. Take some time to create a visual representation of all that you dream for this season in your life. Even if you aren’t artistic, TRY IT! It’s super fun.

• Find a friend that dreams out loud. Let them stretch your idea of what it means to have a vision or dream. Then allow them to hold you accountable by asking you about your dreams and goals.

• Give Grace. Remember that sometimes you have to adjust your mind and thinking to get to your dream. You may have setbacks. You may have to eliminate habits and distractions. Once you’ve made the adjustments, agree to come back to your dream and refocus.

My prayer is that God will give you the desire to dream again and that you will encourage others to dream as well.

Bold. Fearless. Brave.Courageous.

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How often have you heard a woman described bold, fearless, or brave? We hear these introductions when we consider women that we believe are influencers in business, finance, and the corporate world. We also use these same descriptors when we discuss women in ministry that have a marvelously miraculous testimony, powerful gifts, and audacious callings. We look at women in these arenas and decide they have something we don’t, right?

Lets focus on two words we perceive to be impressive qualities . Bold and Brave.

Do we understand the difference between being bold and being brave? 

Bold is an adjective or an attribute of a willingness to take a risk. Boldness is the behavior of readiness to take a risk. 

To be brave is a verb and an adjective . It is to face and endure difficulties. It is to possess the attribute and endure the challenge or difficulty. 

Which one are you? Brave or Bold? 

Boldness is a posture. Sometimes it’s a stance or even a look. Being bold is deciding I want something that God has planted in my heart. It’s having the audacity to believe I am worthy of the promises of God. To be bold is to know that I can do all that He has called me to do and has equipped me for the calling on my life.

Being brave is accepting the calling God has placed on my life without apology. Enduring the looks and sometimes judgment of others. Bravery is not only deciding I want something and have a desire to fulfil it in my heart but it’s going after it. It’s being obedient and walking out the steps of the promises of God. 

Many of us would to like to believe that we are brave but really we just bold.

We know the calling God has placed on our life. We hear him speak to us and equip us. Yet, we shrink at the thought of what others may say about us and change our style or hide our gifts to fit in with what they say we ought to be. But to be brave is to do that thing God is showing you and being obedient despite what all the others say. 

If we’re honest, “they” aren’t our biggest enemy. Believe It or not, “we”  are our biggest enemy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sabotaged myself because I was afraid of taking the next step from bold, knowing I am worthy of the promises of God and the gifts He’s given me to being brave, obediently stepping into those promises. The bravery of enduring the challenges, the difficulties, and the realities that It may be hard to see my calling fulfilled is where I generally fall short. 

Being bold is making a decision. Being brave is following through with your bold decision. It’s understanding that everyone won’t be able to see the vision God has given you or the calling He has placed on you. It’s knowing that you’ll be left out, left behind, or excluded because of your bold bravery. Being brave and bold means we continue to walk by faith into the spaces that don’t make sense to us but we continue to walk anyway. Obedience is hard. But I am discovering that I can do Hard things! You can do hard things!

Difficulties come and challenges are part of life. I should anticipate them, not run from them. I am learning to breath through them and push to the next level.

Lets be Bold and Brave. Lets be worthy and obedient.

Being Supportive is hard work! 

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Why Coach? 

Well, I can’t say that I chose coaching. I truly believe coaching found me. Years of friendships and ministry have cultivated and honed my coaching style and skill. I have walked through every situation you could possibly imagine with friends, family, and in ministry. I consider myself a super supportive friend and highly efficient at being an effective people helper. So, when I wanted to decide at fifty years old how I wanted to live the second half of my life I struggled. 

What do I do when I struggle? Reach out to my prayer warriors  and see my therapist. I went back to counseling and haggled with my therapist many times over about all my dreams. That is a story for later. I was challenged to really examine myself and my life. Looking back at the past and unpacking your trials and tribulations is very difficult. 

I debated on going back to school, but I couldn’t quite pull the trigger on that idea. I didn’t want to start another big  journey. I enjoyed my current journey of being supportive and loving my friends well. I discovered that I really enjoyed listening to them and helping them find resources to navigate life. I have been a volunteer in every capacity imaginable. I have a deep passion for ministries that help women, families and wives. I loved spending time taking phone call after phone call encouraging and examining the fears, dreams and challenges my friends and women in my ministry circle laid before me.  But that’s not a job or so I thought. That’s not a career, right? Being supportive is not a career. It couldn’t be, could it? 

As I wrestled with what to do with my love of helping others combined with empowering them and encouraging them through life’s trials I had a miraculous discovery. I was waiting  in the office while supporting someone else attending  counseling.  I ran across this magazine that mentioned christian counseling. In my heart I had already decided that I didn’t want to be in another degree program. As I looked further at the article in the publication about  being supportive and encouraging others I saw a word that I hadn’t considered, Coach. Not a sports coach, but a life coach? What’s that I thought. You can get certified to be supportive, love others well while encouraging and empowering them to be their best selves and lay the gospel before them? Well, It turns out you can. Yes, I’ve heard of life coaches. Yes, I’ve seen the segments on talk shows, morning shows, and other outlets with life coaches. But somehow I never considered it for myself. Funny how we do that, right?I never considered what I do as coaching. I thought about it for a few days and asked a few of my friends what they thought of me becoming a Life Coach? All of them responded with “Isn’t that what you already do?”

 Yes, it is! 

I am a life coach. I Edify, Encourage, Empower, and help others Evolve. I walk alongside others weekly or monthly giving them support by offering practical assessments,  teaching/training strategies that help mothers, wives, and friends make decisions and get results. 

I want to help you. I want to be that person that supports you and helps you take the next step in your life.

Imago Dei: Black History Month

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Scriptures: Genesis 1:26-27, Genesis 5:1-2, Genesis 9:6

One of the things I love about celebrating Black History Month is the fact that it comes in February. So I find it especially important to talk about love-loving one another and God’s love for all of us. In addition to celebrating our differences as God’s great creation we can also celebrate the reality that in our differences were on were part of His plan (Psalm 139:14). From the beginning God had a purpose for our differences.

What is the Imago Dei and how does it pertain to the importance of Black History Month?

Imago dei is the Latin translation of “Image of God”. Why is this important? Because being made in the image of God as seen in the scriptures listed above means that we are uniquely reflected in his creation. He has created each one of us to reflect His humanity individually. That individuality means that God made each of us. He loved us enough to give us all a different look, a different race, different hair color and texture. Also, don’t forget that when he created us He gave us all different personalities as well.

When you look at other human beings you are looking at the work of God in them. Jesus calls us to love one another (1 Corinthians 13:13) and care for one another( Mark 12:31). Each day we should see the creation of the Savior in every person encounter.

He is calling for our patience as He does His perfect work.

We were knitted in the wombs of our mothers (Psalm 139:13) so Christ has always known we’d be different. You are a unique vessel that has been made in the image of the most high God. Ultimately, despite of differences, we must remember that we will all be together with Christ one day (Revelation 5:9, Revelation 7:9).

Christ calls Christians to be prayerful and forgiving (Titus 3:3-8) while we are on this earth to spread the gospel. Being made in His image is about Him not about how I want others to be, to look, or to act. God is reconciling souls daily. He wants all to be saved (1 Timothy 2:4, 2 Peter 3:9).

Spreading the Gospel means you and I are not the measuring stick for which all other humans should live up to on this earth. Don’t look at yourself as the standard. Jesus is the standard. Exhibit His love (1 John 4:7-12). Because God is love!

Loving One Another

1 John 4:7-12 (NLT)
7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

Be sure to listen to the latest podcast : God is Love:Made in His Image

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Forgive Me

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I look at the foolishness of my youth and thank God for His grace, His forgiveness and His mercy. But I also thank God for the people who prayed for me and forgave me of my sinful, youthful indiscretions and choices. I am so glad they did not give up on me.

I don’t know what your teenage years were like but mine were not a reflection of the woman I have become today. Instead, I would submit to you that I am the woman I am supposed to be because of the prayers and patience of many, many people petitioning the Lord on my behalf.

But what If those people chose not to pray for me or to be patient with me?

Look at your life and think about the people around you. Who is the person that God has put in your life that has hurt you, disappointed you, and even angered you?

God used Titus 3:3-7 this week to really challenge me. In this scripture God reminds us all to remember the days of our youth. To remember the time when you haven’t made good choices. Remember a time when you may have offended someone. We often look at a situation where others offend us but we forget the times that we offend others. Do you remember being young and saying things, doing things, and aiming your hurt at others? I do.

How does God use you in the lives of those who are foolish, disobedient and being deceived by the what the world has to offer?

As you walk through your week, remember those who prayed for you and how Jesus met you where you were in your foolish disobedience. Use the grace of His salvation and His great mercy to forgive others.

Titus 3:3-7

New Living Translation

3 Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other. 4 But—

When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, 5 he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.[a] 6 He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. 7 Because of his grace he made us right in his sight and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life.

Don’t forget to comment and listen to the podcast accompanied with this blog post: https://anchor.fm/lifewithchar/episodes/What-is-Unforgiveness-e1e0rdk

Decisions…decisions

It took me a while but I had to surrender. I had to stop wrestling with what the Lord has shown me. I had to be obedient. It’s not as simple as it sounds. It was quite difficult.

I’ve spent some time thinking and praying. I’ll be the first to admit my hesitation in obedience wasn’t as obvious to me as it was to my family and friends. If I’m truly honest, my hesitation was disobedience.I was doing all the good and right things that I wanted to do. But looking back, I can see that not all those things were meant for me to do.

What has God called you to do? Are you choosing to close your eyes to His calling ?

It’s so easy for us to be comfortable and loyal to what we need and want. We forget that our life is not our own and we are called to be His hands and feet in this world. So we go where He says to go and we do what He says we must do.

I encourage you to sit quietly and ask the Lord for direction if He’s prompted you to do something. Through your fear and uncertainty He will guide you. Draw closer to Him as you await His response to your call for direction.

When He gives direction , follow without hesitation. The hesitation only prolongs the inevitable. It doesn’t lessen the fear, the uncertainty, or the reality.

Instead, I encourage you to be bold in the call on your life. Know that He has gone before you and has made the way.

💜

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